I've been working on the railroad...

Y'all, this is awesome. I am filling out the SIB-R. Link below. Filling it out for Georgiy's school, to assess his behavior/abilities. Here are some of the questions we are answering. But first, these are the instructions before answering:

"Mark how well the individual does (or could do) each task completely, without help or supervision. If you have not seen the individual do the task (or if she never has the chance to do the task) mark how well you think he or she could do the task now (without any help)

~Walks on a narrow surface (for example, a curb, a RAILROAD TRACK!!!, or line.

~Pounds a nail in straight with a hammer

~paints the inside walls and trim around windows and doors

My plan of action is this. In order to answer these questions about Georgiy's abilities truthfully, I am going to need some help. If any of you have actually handed this child a paintbrush and had him paint ANY PART of your home, call me asap to tell me how he did. We will talk about what possessed you to allow this later.

If any of you have handed my son a hammer and nail and let him attempt that activity, also call me and then bring over said hammer and nail so I can re-attach your sanity to your psyche with it.

Last but not least, if any of you have any knowledge of how well my son can navigate walking on a RAILROAD track by himself, please don't bother calling me at all. Pack your shit and run like hell because I know where you live.

See ya later, alligator!

I am a fucking idiot.

I bought this at the local Goodwill today. No returns. I get it. I would not take that thing back either. The people who donated this are slapping their knees AS WE SPEAK just howling with laughter at the unsuspecting mother who purchased this representation of all things that inevitably lead to insanity.

Here is a sample of a teaching moment delivered by this toy. By the way, the toy is called :"Laugh and Learn Learning Home" by Fisher Price.

Woman's voice: (as toy door is opened after door bell is rung)

Door creaks...

"Hello"

"Who is there?"

"Come and play!"

"It's bumper to bumper on the Rainbow Bridge"

"Coming in on number one!"

"GoodBYE!!!!"

Silence. Mildy eery.

Sound of a rooster. Mildly....disturbing. I know.

"See ya later alligator" (door makes a slamming shut sound")

Quick question. Doesn't the Rainbow Bridge refer to death? More specifically....animals dying?

I don't know about you all, but I think that they managed to create a toy that is a damn accurate plastic impersonation of a really weird date ending badly. Either that chick does not like roosters, or someone lied their ASS off and got caught and then denied it three times or something of that nature. Still wondering how the alligator fits into that picture....

A better name for this toy might be :" Live and Learn Laughing Home"

If you will excuse me, the children need to take a bath and I think this toy will join them.

Yes. I know. That would be the point.

Pier 39

Pier 39 today. Guys just like these, all over the place. An entire sidewalk, dedicated to preaching Jesus.

6,445 homeless people in San Francisco.

Sick......

Forgotten....

Hungry......




Sidewalk after sidewalk after sidewalk after sidewalk....dedicated to practicing Jesus.

What was that again?

I can't hear you.

P is for Pagan

School work checkup this evening....

Him: "What do you get when you divide an even integer by two,what do you get?"

Levi: "Uhhhhhhhhhh......kay.....????

Me: "I flunked this in high school"

Him:" So...that means any even integer is an integer multiplied by two~right? 2 b is an integer too"

"What is the definition of an odd integer?"

Me: "Don't get me started"

Levi: " that doesn't make sense...."

Me: " Algebra is wicked useful. Seriously. Especially since our next subject is religion"

Him ~ shoots me a worried look

Me : " It's cool. God. Divisible by three=Trinity. You're welcome"

Him~ Ignores me

Levi :" I feel like this is just going in circles"

Him " There are cases you can jump in circles...you started with an integer, and then you ended with an integer, so it is like jumping in circles"

Levi~sporting his WTF look

Me: "P is for Pagan"

Him: "I am not sure what your point is"

Me: "Recess".