Leaving the Grocery Outlet this evening with garden equipment and groceries....

Him: " Do you want me to take the cart or the shovel?"

Me: "Depends. How safe do you feel?"

I've been working on the railroad...

Y'all, this is awesome. I am filling out the SIB-R. Link below. Filling it out for Georgiy's school, to assess his behavior/abilities. Here are some of the questions we are answering. But first, these are the instructions before answering:

"Mark how well the individual does (or could do) each task completely, without help or supervision. If you have not seen the individual do the task (or if she never has the chance to do the task) mark how well you think he or she could do the task now (without any help)

~Walks on a narrow surface (for example, a curb, a RAILROAD TRACK!!!, or line.

~Pounds a nail in straight with a hammer

~paints the inside walls and trim around windows and doors

My plan of action is this. In order to answer these questions about Georgiy's abilities truthfully, I am going to need some help. If any of you have actually handed this child a paintbrush and had him paint ANY PART of your home, call me asap to tell me how he did. We will talk about what possessed you to allow this later.

If any of you have handed my son a hammer and nail and let him attempt that activity, also call me and then bring over said hammer and nail so I can re-attach your sanity to your psyche with it.

Last but not least, if any of you have any knowledge of how well my son can navigate walking on a RAILROAD track by himself, please don't bother calling me at all. Pack your shit and run like hell because I know where you live.

See ya later, alligator!

I am a fucking idiot.

I bought this at the local Goodwill today. No returns. I get it. I would not take that thing back either. The people who donated this are slapping their knees AS WE SPEAK just howling with laughter at the unsuspecting mother who purchased this representation of all things that inevitably lead to insanity.

Here is a sample of a teaching moment delivered by this toy. By the way, the toy is called :"Laugh and Learn Learning Home" by Fisher Price.

Woman's voice: (as toy door is opened after door bell is rung)

Door creaks...

"Hello"

"Who is there?"

"Come and play!"

"It's bumper to bumper on the Rainbow Bridge"

"Coming in on number one!"

"GoodBYE!!!!"

Silence. Mildy eery.

Sound of a rooster. Mildly....disturbing. I know.

"See ya later alligator" (door makes a slamming shut sound")

Quick question. Doesn't the Rainbow Bridge refer to death? More specifically....animals dying?

I don't know about you all, but I think that they managed to create a toy that is a damn accurate plastic impersonation of a really weird date ending badly. Either that chick does not like roosters, or someone lied their ASS off and got caught and then denied it three times or something of that nature. Still wondering how the alligator fits into that picture....

A better name for this toy might be :" Live and Learn Laughing Home"

If you will excuse me, the children need to take a bath and I think this toy will join them.

Yes. I know. That would be the point.

Pier 39

Pier 39 today. Guys just like these, all over the place. An entire sidewalk, dedicated to preaching Jesus.

6,445 homeless people in San Francisco.

Sick......

Forgotten....

Hungry......




Sidewalk after sidewalk after sidewalk after sidewalk....dedicated to practicing Jesus.

What was that again?

I can't hear you.

P is for Pagan

School work checkup this evening....

Him: "What do you get when you divide an even integer by two,what do you get?"

Levi: "Uhhhhhhhhhh......kay.....????

Me: "I flunked this in high school"

Him:" So...that means any even integer is an integer multiplied by two~right? 2 b is an integer too"

"What is the definition of an odd integer?"

Me: "Don't get me started"

Levi: " that doesn't make sense...."

Me: " Algebra is wicked useful. Seriously. Especially since our next subject is religion"

Him ~ shoots me a worried look

Me : " It's cool. God. Divisible by three=Trinity. You're welcome"

Him~ Ignores me

Levi :" I feel like this is just going in circles"

Him " There are cases you can jump in circles...you started with an integer, and then you ended with an integer, so it is like jumping in circles"

Levi~sporting his WTF look

Me: "P is for Pagan"

Him: "I am not sure what your point is"

Me: "Recess".

Water To Wine

Him (staring at the water cooler in the kitchen) "We are out of water. I need to go get more"

Me: "Nah. I can just use the tea kettle tomorrow, no biggie. No need to go out to get water"

Him: " But I can also get wine"

Me:" Don't particularly care for wine,really, you can just stay home if you want"

Him: "But wine is a nice benefit of water trip to store"

Me : " Meh. Really no need"

Him :"I will go get water"

Me : " And turn it into wine?"

Him :" Don't think I am THAT good"

Me: " Thank God."

Zen

The Scene: I have moved the furniture once again. If you are my friend, you will need no further explanation.

Him: " Looks good. It is amazing how flexible this living room is"

Me:" How flexible the room is?? The room is a testament to how flexible my MIND is!"

Him: " I guess. The room is a very Zen room"

Me:" The room is just ....there. Kindof like you;) Any excitement is generated by me."

Him~Hysterical laughter

Me~ Even more hysterical laughter

Fade to black.

Ash Wednesday

~A Day In The Life Of The Suddenly Unequally Yoked ~Ash Wednesday

Him, JUST back from Mass (wiping his finger across my mouth) "You have something on your face"

Me: (staring at his forehead in moderate disbelief) "Uh huh. You have something on your forehead. Want me to take care of that for you with a wet wipe?"

Totally true story. Just. happened.

Hallelujah Girl

A Day In The Life Of The Suddenly Unequally Yoked....where religious tolerance is practiced daily and imperfectly;)

Him:

Hooked up with the Hallelujah Girl on the Ipad. Relax. Really. It is just the Liturgy of the hours, being sung to him by a very ambitious Catholic lady. I just named her because she is basically singing between his ears right now and does this daily. Twice daily. So she might as well have a name. It is all about respect. She's family now.

Me:

Trying to decide between burgundy and sangria. Wondering which one of the little monsters broke the hand off the tiny Buddha that sits on a decorative rock. The Russian Orthodox Mary picture above the piano is giving the newbie Ganesh statue on the coffee table a dirty look. Wikipedia tells me he is all about removing of obstacles. I hope she doesn't piss him off too much. I am not planning another trip to Ukraine to replace her....